Good Friends and a Bottle of Pills
by Subject87
Summary: Freddie leaves a note for Sam before he leaves for College. Rated M for sexual themes and language. Cam and Creddie
1. Good Friends and A bottle of Pills

**Note: I do not own Icarly, any of the characters, or this song by Pantera. Now on with the story!**

Freddie looked down at the pad as he contemplated what to write down, he was leaving for college overseas and he had already left his note for Carly. He stood there tapping the red ink pen he was using against the pad as he pondered what to say to Sam, he thought about the party they had thrown to celebrate Sam and Carly's relationship and to give him a final farewell before he left for a over seas school.

_I fucked your girlfriend last night._

_While you snored and drooled, I fucked your her ass. I called her sugar when I ate her alive_

As he wrote down the first to lines he smirked, he wasn't going to spare Sam's feelings on this matter, not after she had taken everything from him, including (especially) Carly, he could still remember his graduation party where he had discovered that his two best friends, well best friend and best friends best friend, had started dating. It had hurt at first, he loved her more than anything and she had found happiness with someone else, but he had gotten over it.. or so he thought.

As he stared at the paper memories of the party, the smuggled in alchol and drugs had flowed like water and candy. He had gotten slightly drunk, buzzed mostly, and Carly had gotten wasted. When Sam passed out in Carly's room Freddie had taken her upstairs to talk to her, to tell her one last goodbye.

Before he could get any words out the drunken Carly kissed him and before he knew it they were in the room next to where Sam was passed out.

_Sometimes I thought you might be spying, living out some. Brash fantasy, but no. you were knocked out._

As the note to Sam came together he couldnt belive how offensive it was coming out to be, how shocked would his mother be if she read it? He shook his head and sighed, he wanted to get this done before Carly and Sam woke up.. When Carly woke up she'd freak if she remembered what she did she'd probably freak out and feel guilty.

_We were knocked out you know. in a way_

That part was true, all three of them were buzzed, high, or just plain drunk. His mind was racing as he tried to think of what to say, why was he leaving this note? Was it to be apologetic? No not really.. Was it to just piss off Sam? Probably. Was it a reminder to himself? Maybe.

Though the memories of Carly moaning under him as he slid in and out of her would always stay there, it didn't matter how fucked up he had been.. He would always remember the sound of her moans and begs as he licked and teased at her breasts. He stopped to briefly wonder if he had used protection, or if she was on some kind of pill.. it was doubtful she was on a pill as she had a girlfriend so she really didn't have to worry about it.

Taking a nervous breath as he looked back at the note he sighed, there weren't enough words to describe his feelings right now, Sam would kill im for this note he knew, not that he particularly cared. Putting the pen down he began to get dressed, slipping on his maroon sweatshirt and cargo shorts. He wasn't sure why he was wearing a sweatshirt and shorts, but this was his favorite sweatshirt.

Picking up the pen and pad he sat on the floor again in the corner, his head was still buzzing but he now had a clearer grasp on how to end the note... On a lie. Well it was only a partial lie, so that counted for something right? He sighed as he put the pen back to the paper and started writing.

_Your girlfriend could have been a burn victim, an amputee, a dead body. but God damn I wanted to fuck._

_ I told you motherfucker_

He smirked at the last words, underlinging them three times with the pen, each line more red than the last. It was a total lie, he wouldn't have touched anyone but her, He was complerely devoted to her and would do anything to see her happy. He was leaving because she was happy, and he couldn't handle it..

Frowning in frustration he sighed "C'mon Freddie, it's time to go" he muttered as he ripped the paper off the pad, the paper making a ripping noise he hoped wouldn't wake up anyone. Folding it up he carefully tiptoed into the next room and slipped it into Sam's jacked pocket as she slept off the events of last night. He quietly tiptoed back to the room where Carly comfortably slept and smiled "I'm sorry it didn't work out between us" he whispered,quoting directly from his note to her.

Bending down he kissed her forehead tenderly before he walked out of her life for what he assumed would be forever.

**Note**: Sorry if this is short, But Im not good with details.. Hope y'all liked the ending, if I get enough good reviews I might do an epilogue. So please read and review!


	2. Regret

Sam was livid as she read the note Freddie had left her and as she crumpled it up she knew she would need to reply, after having a conversation with Carly. She knew everyone had been drunk at the party,especially her, but Carly hadn't really drunk anything and although she claimed she couldn't remember anything Sam was still suspicious of her girlfriend.

Clenching the note she had to admit that now it gave her mixed emotions, pride that Freddie could write something so insulting, Anger over what he'd done, and sadness that it had all come down to this between them. Carly and Sam had known the risks when they had gotten together and even though Freddie had been totally supportive Sam had saw the glares directed her way and the looks of longing towards Carly.. She felt bad for the nub but she couldn't, and wouldn't, give up her relationship with Carly for him.. and Freddie knew that.

After leaving Carly's apartment she knew she needed to vent or she'd go mad so she went home, much to her dismay her mother was home, and went silently to her room to begin writing. Pulling out a pen and paper she closed her eyes as she thought of what to write, mostly wanting to write something cruel and insulting finally she opened her eyes and with a smirk started to write in red ink.

_You take great pride in never having lived up to anything  
>Lie, steal, cheat, and kill, a real bad guy<br>Your daddy is a wino, and your mommy's quite insane  
>From altar boy to sewer rat, you don't give a damn<br>Your sister is a junkie, get "it" anyway she can  
>Your brother's a gay singer in a stud leather band<br>Your girlfriend's got herpes to go with her Hep and AIDS  
>There ain't one person you know you ain't ripped off yet<em>

Sam read over the first few lines and smirked, sure part of it didn't make sense.. Or wasn't even true, but she was mainly venting and as far as she knew he would never see this.. Or would he? The more she wrote the more she felt like sending it to him, she had a reputation to keep after all, so she pulled out her laptop and typed what she'd already written before going back to thinking, letting her anger control her words, and continued to type.

_Look deep in the mirror, look deep into its eyes  
>Your face is replaced, a creature you despise<br>But I know what you're made of, it ain't much I'm afraid _

Sam grinned and brushed her long blonde hair back as she reread what she had so far, now it was making sense.. She knew Freddie had self esteem issues so of course she had to attack that, if she didn't she wouldn't be Sam Puckett. She frowned as she started to feel a bit guilty, she knew she was ripping into Freddie over this note he'd left her which had just been a frustrated boy who'd been lashing out after losing the love of his life.

She saved the file and shut her laptop when she heard a knock on her door and Carly walked in "Hey, what're you up to?" she asked, half curious half suspicious "I was just thinking about that note" Sam admitted "Did you read it?" she asked her girlfriend. Carly sighed and leaned against the door frame "Yeah.. I read it" she said, "But I know, and I know you know, that was just Freddie lashing out at you because I'm dating you.. He was Jealous so when we had sex he had to rub it in your face." Carly looked at Sam for a moment before looking down at the floor and Sam sighed "I know, But don't you feel guilty about this.. It's been coming along time, ever since I asked you out" she said "It's not your fault" she said.

Carly looked at Sam again and shook her head "Yes it is, Because of me Freddie is hurting.. Crushed, and it's all because I had to use some lame excuse to not go out with him" Sam rolled her eyes "You should have just straight out said that he didn't stand a chance, it would have been better in the long run." Carly nodded "Well anyway, Spencer is taking me out of town for a couple of days so I just came by to see how you were doing" she said. "I'm fine." Sam said, "Don't worry about me, Now go and have fun, I love you and all that stuff" she said as Carly mumbled an I love you back.

After she left Sam spun around and opened her laptop to finish writing her note to Freddie. Her fingers hit the keyboard in a frenzy as she typed in his email address, hoping he still checked it, then typed in whatever entered her mind to add to the letter.

_Make up__ your stories, but truth's so hard to say  
>Brain is numb and your tongue will surely dig you grave<br>Your mind is sickly from Alzheimer's disease  
>And decadence and debauchery killed your memories <em>

Sam looked up and smiled, she didn't quite understand the last line, she'd heard decadence and debauchery mentioned before so she'd added them, but the whole thing sounded good so she stood up and stretched, deciding it was time for some Ham and maybe a smoothie.

An hour later she returned with a piece of ham in one hand and a smoothie in the other. She set the smoothie on the desk and quickly devoured the Ham before taking a sip of the smoothie and turning her attention back to the laptop on her desk. "Should I really continue this?" she asked, for the second time today feeling a twinge of guilt over this entire situation. 'Come on Puckett' she thought shaking her head 'This isn't anything new, you insult the nub all the time' she thought.

With a groan she spun in her chair and sighed 'Yeah you make fun of him, but this time you went too far.. You deserved this Puckett' a voice, she assumed was her conscious. She growled at no one in particular "I did nothing wrong, it's not my fault that Freddie can't grow up and accept that Carly will never love him!" She sighed, maybe she was losing her mind 'But you knew how he felt about her' the voice finally replied and she shook her head. And turned back to the laptop, determined to continue writing, fueled by her frustration and anger she began to type.

_Start trouble, spread pain__  
>Piss and venom in your veins<br>Talk nasty, breathe fire  
>Smell rotten, you're a liar<br>__Sweat liquor, breathe snot  
>Eat garbage, spit blood<br>Diseased, health hazard  
>Scum bag, fucking bastard<br>Grease face, teeth decay  
>Hair matted, drunk all day<br>Abscessed, sunken veins  
>Rot gut, scrambled brain<br>Steal __money__, crash cars  
>Rob jewelry, hock guitars<br>Rot in hell, it's time you know  
>To your master, off you go <em>

Sam took a deep breath and leaned back in her chair after her furious typing and reread the words. 'Are you talking about Freddie or You?' The voice, her consciousness, asked. "I don't know!" she replied frustrated "I just don't know anymore.. Have I finally hurt Freddie in a way that there's no coming back from?" she asked out loud to no one in particular. Only time would tell.

She decided to stop the email for now, she needed a break, and finish it after she got her head together. Heading out of the apartment, her thoughts racing, she kicked at whatever was on the ground as she thought back to the day Carly and her and told her Freddie they were together.

_Freddie looked at Carly, who was holding Sam's hand, then Sam and a defeated look creeped into his eyes as he realized they were serious "You've got to be kidding me" he said "You two are together?" he asked, his voice full of disbelief "Carly-" he began but stopped as Carly silenced him. "Freddie I know how you feel about me, and I'm sorry that I can't return those feelings.. But I really do love Sam" she said. _

_He nodded and looked at her "Does she make you happy?" he asked then turned to Sam "If you hurt her.. I don't care if you're tougher than me, I will find a way to make you hurt" he said. Carly nodded and smiled "She makes me very happy" she said while Sam looked impressed and mumbled "You got it nub." Freddie smiled again, though it was a hollow smile "Then.. I'm happy for both of you" he said "Excuse me, I've got some.. Stuff to do" he said turning to leave and practically running to the door._

It was three hours later before Sam finally returned home, mostly because she didn't want to be on the streets of Seattle at night, and she sat back at her laptop. She wanted to add something else, she wanted to insult him more but she just couldn't find anything else to add so she simply hit send, half hoping he still checked his email and half dreading the idea that he still checked his email.

**Note:** Okay so I tried to make this not only a song fic, but explain why Freddie left the note he did for Sam in chapter one, so I hope that I balanced this properly. I have an idea for a third chapter but I want to see if anyone is actually reading this so I ask, should I write a third chapter? If I do it'll be the end, a song fic to All apologies by Nirvana, which will have happier ending OR I could leave it as is. Up to you, the readers! So please read and review with your vote and your opinion on how this story is!


	3. Nothing Left to Say

It had been three months since Carly and Sam had heard anything from Freddie, there had been no Emails, no phone calls, nothing. Carly looked down at the floor as she fidgeted in her chair 'It's all Sam's fault' she thought angrily 'If she hadn't written that stupid note to an already hurt Freddie this would have never happened.'

Carly shook her head, this wasn't Sam's fault.. Or Freddie's, this was her fault and her fault alone, she'd known how Freddie felt about her and that he'd have to gloat that they'd had sex one time, she knew he'd view that as his one true victory over Sam considering how Carly felt about Sam, and that she would never feel that way about him. Her pale, slender fingers ran through her hair as she tried to sort out all these thoughts that seemed to be invading her brain, as if they were small parasites designed to make her feel even worse about the current situation.

Sam was at work so, like she did every five minutes when Sam left, Carly pulled out her laptop. The poor computer was in horrible shape as she didn't know how to maintain it as well as Freddie kept his, and he wasn't around to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with her computer and to do all the tech stuff she'd always found so boring.

Sam wouldn't even talk, or listen, about Freddie and Carly knew she missed him, but was to proud to say anything. She sighed as she checked her email, Still empty. She'd sent him 3 emails a day for the past four months, but still hadn't heard anything back from him.

Freddie looked up at the sun, he'd been going to school in Florida, and couldn't get enough of the sun. This place was so different than Seattle where he'd grown up, it had taken him awhile to get used to the new climate, but it had been worth it. He hadn't checked his email since he'd gotten here, his freshman year of College had just started and he'd been keeping himself busy with as much work as he could possibly get,anything to avoid looking at his computer, after reading Sam's email he had nothing to say to neither of them.

Walking into the main dorm he looked around at the colors, red and black mostly, that covered the hallways. He had nothing to say to Carly or Sam,but part of him still ached to talk to Carly and try to win her over but he knew it was pointless, they'd grown up and moved on. He had a new girlfriend, Melissa, and he figured Carly was still with Sam so there was no point in thinking about it, all that line of thought brought was more hurt and self loathing. As he unlocked his dorm room, 108, and walked in he looked up at the posters and pictures his roommate had covered the place in.

Now he remembered why he couldn't forget Carly and Sam, there was a poster from Webicon with them on it, Freddie smiling as he looked at Carly and Carly and Sam grinning like idiots. He wanted to rip the poster down and forget it ever existed, but he figured his room mate might get mad about that.

Finally he opened his laptop, figuring he couldn't delay checking his Email anymore. His heart almost melted as he went through the emails from Carly, sent maybe 10 minutes ago, Hitting reply to the newest one, asking if he hated her for what she'd done to him, he sighed.

He had hated her, for a long time after he'd left Seattle he'd hated her for breaking his heart like that, but he had long forgiven her.. He just didn't have anything left to say to her, he grinned as his fingers hit the keyboard, the familiar clacking sound almost a relief to his ears as he typed.

_I just want you to know that I  
>Don't hate you anymore<em>

_There is nothing I could say  
>That I haven't thought before <em>

Satisfied with his short, but satisfactory answer, Freddie scrolled up with his mouse, hovering the small white arrow to the send button and stopped, what was he doing? Was this really all he had to say to her, the girl he would forever be in love with? He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, he needed to do this.. He had to move on, to break ties with her. As he hit send he tried again to convince himself that this was the only way either of them could be happy, and then he let the tears fall as he realized he would probably never see Carly again.

Carly snapped to attention when she heard the ding sound her laptop would make when she got an email, when the laptop was still open anyway, and her heart began to pace as she she clicked the email from Freddie. Her eyes scanned the email, quickly absorbing the four lines as if they were the key to eternal life and she was a dying woman. Tears formed in her eyes as her brain caught up with her eyes "Nothing left to say?" she muttered out loud and put the laptop down, tears running down her cheeks as she realized what he meant, they would never see each other again.

Freddie began to shut his laptop off but shook his head, he needed to write to Sam, and to Carly. Quickly typing in their emails he began to type his final letter to both of them.

_What else should I be?  
>All apologies.<br>What else could I say?  
>Everyone is gay.<br>What else could I write?  
>I don't have the right.<br>What else should I be?  
>All Apologies. <em>

Freddie typed like a man possessed, brain forming the words before his fingers finished typing the last one. He read over the first few lines, satisfied they'd get the main idea, he laughed at how ironic his little apology letter was turning out to be, but he couldn't focus on that now. He began to type again, he had a class in 10 minutes and was eager to move past this part of his life, and start over.

_I wish I was like you__  
><em>_Easily amused__  
><em>_Find my nest of salt__  
><em>_Everything is my fault__  
><em>_I'll take all the blame__  
><em>_I'll proceed from shame__  
><em>_Sunburn with freezer burn__  
><em>_Choking on the ashes of her enemy_

He paused again to take a sip of water, the words turning into another poem.. Almost like the one's he and Sam had traded back and forth. This was his fault, he should never have stopped to gloat to Sam about sleeping with Carly but he had needed that small victory, and he had needed Sam to know about that small victory.

Carly began to pace back and forth, trying to figure out how it'd all gone south for the iCarly trio. Was this what it meant to grow up? Shattered hearts and destroyed friendships? If this was all she had to look forward to she wanted to go back to high school. 

Now Sam was mad at her, though she knew Sam was trying to forgive her for cheating on her things weren't that easy, Sam was still mad at Freddie and hurt at his leaving. She knew she felt betrayed by both of them and Freddie was heartbroken. She picked up a nearby pillow and screamed into it, throwing it away in frustration when it didn't work.

Walking back to her chair she sat down and picked up her laptop again, hitting reply on Freddie's email. Slowly she began to type, the word forming on the screen with each key she pushed.

_I will never bother you __  
><em>_I will never promise to__  
><em>_I will never follow you __  
><em>_I will never bother you _

Her eyes began to water as she finished the first four lines of her reply, knowing that she meant these words. Carly looked up at the ceiling as she tried to form words that would properly describe what she was promising him. Finally she went back to typing, the keys making that familiar clacking sound that reminded her so much of Freddie it hurt at times 'Stop it Carly! You're with Sam!' she scolded herself as she typed.

_I always knew it'd come to this  
>Things have never been so swell<br>I have never failed to fail _

Carly smiled humorlessly at those lines, how she was lying to him.. Yes she knew it would come to this when she'd started dating Sam but nothing was "Swell" and it would never be, but that was okay... She could deal with that, like she dealt with everything else.

_I'm so warm and calm inside  
>I no longer have to hide<br>Lets talk about someone else _

The tears were back, making it hard to type so she stopped typing and wiped her eyes, long enough to hit send.

Freddie looked at his Email, satisfied with it, and hit send. When her email came through he didn't read it, knowing it would just open old wounds, and instead marked it as Spam and Deleted it.

Carly hovered over his email, noticing it was to Sam and her, and deleted it.. Knowing she'd hear all about it from her girlfriend later. Closing her laptop she went downstairs.

True to her predictions, Carly and Sam never Saw Freddie again

**Note**: So, what'd y'all think? As far as I'm concerned this story is over, but I've always wanted to do a Freddie/Megan fic and I think this presents a good opertunity.. So what do you think? Would you like to see a sequel where Freddie meets a girl who looks just like Carly? Let me know view Reviews and leave me a a good review!


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